Feeling guilty
The guilt after a hard moment with your kid
That gnawing feeling after a hard moment with your kid. This is for that.
You're not the only one
Most parents lose their patience sometimes. A single hard moment doesn't undo the thousands of ordinary, loving ones you've had with your child.
Guilt isn't the same as harm
Feeling bad means you care. It doesn't mean lasting damage was done. Kids are resilient, especially when what follows a hard moment is repair, not more shame.
Try this instead of spiraling
Ask yourself: what actually happened, and what's one small thing I can do next? Skip the story about what it means about you as a parent. That part isn't useful right now.
Shame is "I am bad." Guilt is "I did something bad."
You showed up today. That's what your kid will remember most.
Sources
- Tangney, J. P., et al. (2007). Moral emotions and moral behavior. Annual Review of Psychology, 58, 345–372.
- Straus, M. A., & Field, C. J. (2003). Psychological aggression by American parents: National data on prevalence, chronicity, and severity. Journal of Marriage and Family, 65(4), 795–808.
- Lewis, J. M. (2000). Repairing the bond in important relationships: A dynamic for personality maturation. American Journal of Psychiatry, 157(9), 1375–1378.